


I Love Her

by BrokenTourniquet



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, Fluff, I think?, Insecure Kara, Kara is still trying to cope with being on her own sometimes, Six times, mentioned - Mon-El, realizing its okay to feel scared, she doesn't do change well, she doesn't want to lose people, space dad is the best dad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-03
Updated: 2017-05-03
Packaged: 2018-10-27 03:42:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10800981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BrokenTourniquet/pseuds/BrokenTourniquet
Summary: Six Time Kara thought, "I love her." One time she accepts it.





	I Love Her

**Author's Note:**

> http://darktonic.tumblr.com/
> 
> When you write to feel better but don't really feel better by the end of it, but you wrote the damn fluff anyways.

**_1._ **

Green eyes stared into blue, like oceans of something warm. Something protective. Safe. Comfortable.  _ Loving. _

Like a moment of clarity.

The moment before a pen strikes paper to write a name, a name thought to be so- reverent. Sacred to a heart. Just the name could bring about pain or the brightest warmth imaginable. Mind sharp and clear.

Intent clear, she took a step forward and could hear the sharp intake of breath, but the blonde didn’t move back. She stood there, allowing Lena to take another step forward within her space. As close as she wanted. It made her think, had she ever really kept Lena at a distance? Had she always let her become as close as she wanted? 

There was a silence that settled between them. Neither were sure it was comfortable just yet, but there was tension, and it continued on. Fronts almost touched. The electric touch of a hand brushing against Kara’s. This was so...different. What exactly was it?

“Lena,” the name was spoken like a prayer telling Lena exactly what she was thinking.

“Loss will always hurt,” it was true, “it will become easier to cope with. I don’t want to what could be to become a loss.”

Fingers brushed against Kara’s hand, slowly, as eyes never turned from hers. As if she was waiting to be told to stop. Kara’s eyes threatened to close as fingertip ever so gently brushed from her hand to her arm, enacting the same action to the other arm.

The air was thick, the sensation intoxicating. 

She wanted nothing more to lean forward and close the distance. She, however, was unable to bring herself to take that step. If she did, what would be left of their friendship? What if she closed the distance and it only proved to Lena that she wasn’t right. That she wasn’t human enough? What if she just ruined it? She didn’t- couldn’t lose her. She couldn’t lose another friend.

Three words coated her throat, pushing forward, as she felt hands brush over her shoulders and slowly- gently place themselves against her neck. Breathing hard. Kara’s eyes began to flutter close. She had to push those words down her throat. She couldn’t- it was far too soon.

_ “Kara,” _ her name spoken like a need.

Her hands clutched at the black dress, on Lena’s hips. It was difficult to think clearly. Difficult to think if she should. She didn’t want to- she did, but she didn’t want to lose what was already there. What was already so good.

Foreheads touched and Kara could feel herself giving in.

“Lena. We could ruin-”

_ “Kara,”  _ there it was again, her name, “we could be what we want to. We could have something so much  _ stronger. _ ”

There was a pause. Perhaps a little too long, on Kara’s part, but she knew she’d already given in the moment she could feel Lena’s breath on her lips.

_ “Please.” _

And who was she to deny the woman in her arms?

Her head tilted up, capturing lush red lips with her own. This was a different sensation. Something she hadn’t thought she could have, different from kisses she’s had before. Hands slipped around her neck, as did arms, holding her as close as possible, as her own arms wrapped around Lena’s waist and pulled her in as close as she could.

It took a lot to remain aware enough to keep her strength in check. She didn’t want to harm Lena, she wouldn’t be able to forgive herself if she did.

She found herself reveling in the feeling of Lena, getting lost in her.

Her heart raced, as much as her mind did. Like an overdrive of thoughts and emotions welling up battling within her. She knew how she felt, but her life before earth contradicted some of the things she was taught growing up on earth. She didn’t know what to do.

She knew what she wanted.

What she wanted was right there pressed against her, electrifying, shocking, and the cause of her heart stopping every time she managed to capture Kara’s bottom lip between her teeth or look at her with those green eyes she couldn’t escape from.

_ I love her. _

 

**_2._ **

She hesitated, phone in her hand. It had been a day.

Her knees curled against her chest, an arm wrapped around them. She sat on the couch. Freshly changed into pajama, freshly showered. She was contemplating. Trying to figure  _ this _ out and she just- she just couldn’t.

What she wanted clashed with what she was afraid of.

She read the last two messages several times over.

_ I understand _

_ Take all the time you need to think about it I will still be here _

Part of her welled up at the sincerity she could read through it. Lena would still be there. Lena would be patient with her. She wouldn’t push her for an answer. Kara would be allowed to take the time she needed. It was new, if she thought about it, the feeling. She didn’t feel the need to rush into it or she might lose something.

The other part of her felt- scared. She had been abandoned and left so many times before, how could Lena really wait so long for her? Wasn’t Kara the one person who would take too much time? Even now, she felt abandonment issues arise in her. She didn’t want to make Lena wait too long and lose her that way.

Then again, would Lena ever let her lose her? Would Kara ever let Lena lose her?

The answer to both was no, and it added to the confusion.

She needed guidance. Someone to help her sort through her thoughts in a way that didn’t leave her feeling lost and confused again.

She let out a breath and looked back down at her phone, scrolling through its contents, her contacts, until she would the name she was after.  _ Alex. _ She hit the call button and quickly held the phone to her ear, and waited as it rang. She chewed her lip as she nervously.

_ “Hello?” _

“Alex,” Kara breathed out with a small smile.

_ “Kar-RA,” _ Alex sounded out of breath, and Kara frowned.

“I just called for some advice,” there was inaudible sound, “are you okay?”

_ “Y- yeah- whoa- right nows not the right time. I’m sorry.” _

She felt disheartened. Frowning for a moment. She didn’t mean to but lost in her thoughts, her emotions again, a silence filled the air. Alex was busy then. Unable to help her. That was- that was okay. Very okay. She could-

_ “Kara? Are you-” _

“No worries, I’ll call some other time.” She hung up before Alex could question her about her faux tone of happiness. Both knowing it wasn’t believable.

She frowned and set her phone on a couch cushion. She found herself lost in her thoughts again. They always came back to the same subject. Lena. Since their kiss, she found herself unable to think of anything else. Soft lips. Loving green eyes. Gentle heart. Steady hands.

Lena was so good. So Lena. There were so many parts of her Kara had yet to see, wanted to, and- those three words filled her head again.

_ I love her. _

 

**_3._ **

I was post op, a few days later.

She remained in her spot, arms crossed, brows furrowed and let out a sigh.

No one seemed to notice yet. Either Kara wasn’t actually acting off, or no one was paying enough attention to notice. Her thoughts were conquered again by Lena. She still didn’t know what to do. What could she do? Give in? If she did, there was always a possibility she could lose a friend if it didn’t work out.

Mon-El, she felt, had been a lesson in that- she hadn’t felt safe enough since to open herself up romantically again. She did now, with Lena, but the pain the break up with Mon-El had brought her had found its way back into her head. Screaming this is what happens when things don’t work out. 

She didn’t want that for her and Lena. She didn’t want the yelling, anger, tears. 

Then again, it wasn’t fair of her to compare what they could have to what she and Mon-El had could she? Was that what she had been doing? Was that why she was so...scared to take the step forward? It felt like a possibility.

She spotted Winn, at his station. For a moment she hesitated.

She felt lost. She wanted some kind of help, someone to talk her thoughts out with. They had been friends, right? They were friends, right? Things hadn’t been the same since- but they were still on good terms. So, she crossed the distance to him and tapped his shoulder.

He gave her a small ‘hm’ of acknowledgment, eyes glued to the screen in front of him.

“Winn? Can I talk to you about something please?”

She fidgeted her hands in front of her. Eyes cast towards the ground as she waited for an answer. It seemed to take him a moment or two to answer.

“Bout what? I’m kind of working,” he spoke, leaning forward to inspect the screen closer.

“Something happened- I just needed-” she was at a loss for words, he was busy...could she bother him with this? He turned towards her, brows furrowed and she stepped back, “I- nevermind. See ya.”

“Kara-” she ignored his calls for her and continued to walk away briskly.

Eyes glued to the floor, refusing to connect her eyes with anyone else.

This was scary to her, scary because it was so new- she felt insecure. How could someone like Lena care about someone like her, like that? She was Supergirl though, wasn’t she? Wasn’t she  _ supposed _ to be confident? She couldn’t really bother anyone about it. Could she? She felt ridiculous for being insecure.

She felt how she felt.

But Lena was so- Lena. She was so beautiful, so kind, and so warm- defying the odds. Defying public opinion and her last name constantly. She carried the full weight of her family’s actions against her, and Kara wanted nothing more that to ease that weight on her shoulders. She wanted nothing more than to just,  _ love her. _ But- they were friends.

She was scared of what might happen if they weren’t friends anymore.

Those words were back.

_ I love her. _

 

**_4._ **

**_KD-_ ** _ Hey Lena can I come over to talk tomorrow? _

**_Lena-_ ** _ Of course. I’ll be home by seven tomorrow _

**_KD-_ ** _ Thank you _

**_Lena-_ ** _ Of course _

“Kara?”

She looked up from her phone in surprise, blinking as she found James standing in front of her. Guardian garb still on, except for his helmet. She opened and closed her mouth a few times but nothing came out. His presence was just a surprise to her.

James seemed to take pity, however and spoke first.

“You okay? Winn thought you seemed off,” he sounded concerned.

She thought for a minute, unable to reply. Should she tell him? It wasn’t as if she didn’t trust him, she did, but she could see he still struggled to completely trust Lena. He was wary. He had his reasons for that, having watched Lex and Clark spiral into something dark and unable to salvage but-

She wasn’t Clark and Lena wasn’t Lex. James was beginning to see that, he just wasn’t there completely. 

She thought it for a moment. No one else was really there, not to the level of trust she would have liked. Were they? Winn monitored L-Corp constantly. Alex always kept a close eye on Lena when they were in the same room. James seemed hesitant to take Lena’s words at face value. J’onn, well he was a leader, always questioning motives.

She frowned at the thought and looked back at James.

He was still her friend, though, and she could- she could use a friend at the moment. 

She opened her mouth to speak.

Unfortunately, someone else from across the room called for him and he gave her an apologetic look, hesitating to go until she sighed resignedly and shrugged walking away. He gave in a moment later and moved towards whoever had called him. 

Kara was left in her thoughts again. Perhaps overthinking. It seemed like the universe wanted her to figure this out on her own. Didn’t it?

She looked back at her phone, as she moved towards the balcony, to at least- go home. She’d said she’d talk to Lena tomorrow, but what did she really want to say?

Yes, I love you, and I want to be with you until you no longer want me? The idea of blurting that confession out, well, she knew it would be far too soon for that. She didn’t want to- she didn’t want to place how she felt on Lena. Her feelings were her own as were they her responsibility. She didn’t want to scare Lena away either.

No, I care about you more than a friend but I don’t want to ruin one of the best friendships I’ve ever had? It felt like that would have been- she couldn’t quite describe it. It would be an omission of her bravery. The same bravery she had the moment she donned the suit, the crest of her family sitting proudly on her chest.

If she said no because she was scared...wouldn’t that have disappointed so many people? Wouldn’t it have disappointed Lena?

She couldn’t- she didn’t know what to do. She didn’t know anything except,

_ I love her. _

 

**_5._ **

“You do know what to do.”

She turned, in a blur of movement, hands clenching ready to hit whoever had just surprised her. Cursing herself for not paying enough attention to her environment, for being so lost in her thoughts she hadn’t heard them come up behind her.

She found herself face to face with J’onns softened expression as she slowly relaxed. She let out a breath and shook her head. He didn’t move forward but he didn’t move back. He was willing to let her keep her distance safely but not to distance herself too much. Like he knew. She supposed he did. If she had been paying attention, he might not have been able to take a step into her mind.

She was still so...confused about it. He could effectively read everyone else’s mind, but not hers unless she wasn’t expecting him? Maybe it was because of some part of her, unless completely distracted, was always on guard with the world. Expecting something terrible to happen, despite her positive outlook.

Sad to think about.

“I what?” She questioned, trying to pretend she didn’t know despite it being useless.

“Being scared doesn’t make you less of who you are,” he told her with a look, she deflated, “it doesn’t make you any less Supergirl. Does it?”

She frowned but shook her head. It really doesn’t.

“Neither does being insecure, Kara. Those things make you a person.”

“Supergirl is supposed to be so...confident, right, and sure. Who is she if I'm not any of those things?” She asked quietly.

Silence set for a short moment.

“Supergirl is  _ you. _ You are not her. Insecurities aren’t nice, neither is feeling like you have no one to talk to about them,” he frowned, “but they don’t make you a terrible person. I’m sorry we’ve all made you feel like you can’t talk to us about this.”

She did feel alone with this, despite knowing it wasn’t true. She had people! She had her family. Friends. Everyone she loved, it just- they didn’t always feel  _ there _ and she felt so bad for feeling like that. For feeling uncomfortable with the changes in her life. They had their own lives, they had to figure themselves out, and she just wanted things to be like they used to.

She didn’t felt bad about feeling like that. Change she never could handle that well. It was taking her time to realign her life and get used to it. She felt bad about feeling alone.

“It’s-” he gave her a look, “It’s- you all have your own lives. It’s okay. I just have to get used to it.”

He didn’t seem to believe her but didn’t push it. He could tell she wouldn’t want to speak about it any further. There’d be a day to address it, probably but- it wouldn’t be today. Would it? 

He took a step forward and placed his hands on her shoulders.

“I could feel how you did, I could hear your thoughts,” he confessed, giving her a small warm smile, “It’s okay to want it. It is okay to step forward.”

She frowned.

“What if- what if it ends badly. What if I do something and mess it up? J’onn I don’t want to lose her. I don’t want to lose her friendship. I don’t want to cause her pain.”

“You’re not Mon-El,” she gasped, he had figured it out when she couldn’t, “you will not turn into him. Kara. You’re the only person on earth I have seen love as freely as the oceans. I promise you, you will be loved. You will be  _ good _ to her. You are good.”

Unable to articulate her emotions into words, she pulled him into an embrace. Hiding her face into his chest, unwilling to let out the sob that threatened to escape her mouth. She didn’t want to do to Lena as Mon-El had done to her. 

She could never let herself do that. Become that.

_ I love her. _

 

**_6._ **

They sat in silence. Opposite each other.

Lena sat on her couch, legs beneath her. She wore jeans, a loose shirt that reminded Kara of many of hers. She had a wine glass in her hands, red wine, and sipped it slowly as she stared at Kara’s unmoving form. She was waiting for the other woman to speak. Giving her the time she needed.

Kara sat in a chair feet away, hands still in her lap. Grey blue sweater, gray jeans. She’d just come from the DEO, avoiding everyone she could to make it on time before Lena could give up on believing she’d show up. She was trying to gain the courage to speak up, as she watched Lena’s eyes. They were filled with patience but curiosity.

She wanted to explain. She wanted Lena to understand her fears, her insecurities, and the immense warmth in her chest. She just didn’t know where to start.

Still, watching Lena. She’d never wanted to ask someone to be hers more than she did now. It was inevitable, in their relationship, over the time they’ve known each other. Giving small pieces of themselves to each other. Without knowing they had until they kissed. Until she could see the stories of her people in Lena’s eyes, and feel the stories of a good Lex behind her own.

“I want you,” she spoke finally, surprising them both, “I just-”

“Are scared?” Kara nodded, “I am too.”

Kara’s eyes widened in surprise, and Lena leaned forward to set her glass down on her coffee table with a small sigh. She hadn’t expected this. Then again- she should have. Lena was after all, still very much human.

“Kara,” her name was soft off of Lena’s lips, “I’m a Luthor. I’m not a good person. The things I could do- I understand if this is all too much for you-”

“No. Lena,” she interrupted, “It’s not that. I don’t care about your last name, whether you think I should or not. I don’t. I just- I’m scared of what could happen if- if we take the next step and it ends horribly. I can’t lose you. It’s selfish of me, but it’s the  _ truth. _ ”

And it was the truth. The thought of losing Lena in any capacity could freeze her in fear, send her heart through its paces. She couldn’t afford to lose anyone else in her life. She didn’t know what she would do if she did. Astra was far too much to lose, and she was still trying to learn to cope with her loss. Even now. 

Nearly losing Alex- well. That had scared her to the point of tears and breakdowns when she was by herself. She couldn’t suffer through any more loss.

She just couldn’t.

“Kara,” Lena frowned, “you won’t lose me.”

“You don’t know that,” she argued back, “what if I do something to hurt you? What if you really see  _ me _ and can’t stand to be with me anymore? I’m not brave, right now, Lena.”

Lena didn’t reply right away, she watched Kara with saddened eyes for a moment. 

“Kara,” Kara refused to look up, “we don’t have to- we can stay friends. I just don’t want you to think, no matter what we decide you’ll lose me. Please look at me?”

Kara did so hesitantly.

“Kara, I care more about you than you realize. I can promise you I know you won’t lose me, because I know I won’t ever lose you. Will I?” Lena knew she was right, “If I won’t lose you, you won’t lose me. No matter how strongly I feel about you, you will always be my friend. I want to be with you, but I will always remain at your side no matter how you wish me to be-”

Her words were cut off by the sound of papers being thrown, by a hand suddenly cupping her jaw, and the sudden proximity of Kara. Those blue eyes suddenly so clear and full of knowing staring into her own. She blinked in surprise, gasping, but didn’t look away.

Kara was bent over slightly, a knee pressed against a cushion to hold her up- thigh touching Lena’s. Her free hand held the back of the couch to allow her to hold herself up better.

She’d given in, completely to the warmth in her chest. Lena was right. She knew it. If Lena could never lose her, she could never lose Lena. The two were sure of this because there would never be a day they would lose each other unless they were no longer wanted, or someone took the other. 

She couldn’t bring herself to feel overwhelmed by the warmth, the sure loving feeling building in her chest.

It only spoke, Lena.  _ Lena. Lena. _ It wanted what she did if Lena would have her.

Her eyes flickered to Lena’s lips, unable to speak, and she looked back to Lena. Asking for permission. Instead of verbally answering, hands gripped Kara’s waist and pulled her down, onto Lena’s lap completely.

Lips found hers, and Kara’s eyes closed instantly, leaning forward into the depths of it. Deepening the kiss. It had been a sudden but expected kiss, the electric feeling from last time bursting into something more magnetic than she’d ever felt. Like she knew she would be drawn for a while, to these lips against her own.

Still, thoughts formed in her head and were the cause of her pulling back to ask quietly, as Lena chased her lips,

_ “Lena,” _ Lena’s eyes opened at the sound of her name, “I- want us. I want you, however, you’ll let me, have you. I want to give you me.”

Something shone in Lena’s eyes, and it took Kara a moment out of her daze to know it was understanding. Understanding of what Kara was saying, what she was offering, and a smile formed on her face as she leaned forward, touching her forehead to Kara’s softly.

“I want all of you, I want you to have all of me.”

_ I love her, _ the words formed in her head.

Kara surged forward, capturing her lips again. Lena smiled into the kiss.

She loved Lena. She loved her.

That night, she stayed. 

In the morning she woke, a clothed body pressed against her front sleeping away happily. It only brought about a bright smile, as she placed a kiss against the back of Lena’s neck. Arms curling around her more securely. She drifted off again.

Her phone buzzed against the nightstand. Indicating a text.

She ignored it, for once.


End file.
